I cried as long as she did. It felt that way. But Nadia is now one.
And after a year of nursing, walking, cuddling and rocking down – taking up to three hours – I reluctantly decided it was time to let her cry to sleep. So far, the most heart-wrenching decision I’ve made as a parent. I mean, look at her.
My little peanut. But my no-cry method resulted in bedtimes around 9:30-10. And mornings around 5. She wasn’t getting enough sleep. And I wasn’t getting enough time with Kieran at night. This of course made me feel guilty.
Is this about me? I should put her needs first. I’m her mother. I shouldn’t let her cry. What if I’m inflicting lasting psychological damage on my little darling? I’m supposed to comfort her. I can comfort her. Why shouldn’t I? I should. And so it went.
Then we’d go another late night. Another early morning. Not enough sleep for anyone.
I talked with friends. Family. Random mums + dads in the park. Everyone I spoke to who did let their babe cry, did so for about a week, maybe two and then their babies could put themselves to sleep.
Be warned: The first few nights are torture.
Monday: Nadia cried for an hour and 20 minutes before I broke and had Kieran go to her. Tuesday: I nursed her down and thanked the sleep gods for making it easy on me. Wednesday: Nursed down. Thank you. Thursday: We tried again. Nursing didn’t do it. An hour and 15 minutes of sobs. I left the house to go grocery shopping.
Friday: Her nap the next afternoon, an hour and 15 minutes. Luckily my friend (mum of three) was there to keep me strong and distract me from my thoughts of: I’m a terrible mum. I’m a terrible mum. What am I DOING!?!
Saturday: 10 minutes. WHAT?!? The following night – 2 min. SERIOUSLY!?!
It’s been a week and she now soothes herself to sleep. She hums – which is actually something she used to do when she was around four months old, but had stopped doing. She also sometimes sings and babbles to herself.
I am SO happy I did this. I had a really hard time with it at first because I partly felt I was doing it for me. Truth is. I do win in this. But so does Nadia. I want her to be able to fall asleep easily – now as a child and later in life too. It’s a skill we all learn or don’t. I’m glad she is.
